*Deep Breath* NaNoWriMo

I just signed up. I suppose that means I'm doing it.

I guess most people don't even know that I write in the first place, other than this blog. I've always loved reading because I can immerse myself in a different place or time, but it's really fun to be able to create all the details myself! I've started a couple of novels (or what I hope will be novels someday) but never finished one.  Kind of like every other artsy thing I do, I start it and then it sits, ignored, for months. Years. My pile of unfinished crochet projects will attest to my lack of finishing power!

I'm hoping NaNoWriMo will be the motivation and inspiration I need to actually put a whole story together and not just write a few scenes. Creating expectation for myself is a hard thing for me to deal with. Every time I tell someone about a project I'm working on, I feel obligated to work on it and finish it. I don't like feeling obligated to anything…so it doesn't get done.

I know….right? Totally contradictory. I'm not sure why I think telling the whole world that I'm writing AND have a 30 day deadline is going to help me write, but I might as well give it a shot!

So here I go….50,000 words from November 1st to November 30th.

Meal Planning

Yep, I need to get back to it. It saves my grocery budget, and a little bit of my sanity.

I dont make as many "quick runs" (read: $40 bucks later I get out of Albertson's with everything BUT what I went in for) and I dont have the stress of "What the crap am I going to make for dinner?!" at 6pm.

I'm also planning on making some freezer meals as I go, as well as some meals for Chuck to take back to work with him.

I'm going to start with an inventory of my fridge, freezers, and pantry to figure out what I have in the first place! Then I'll go through the millions (only a slight exaggeration) of pins on my recipe Pinterest board and decide what we're eating for the next couple weeks!

I'm going to use this system from The Resourceful Gals to streamline it. Hopefully.

And, of course, I'll share it on my favorite Cafemom group, Make Life Beautiful! 

Throw Back Thursday!

Throwback to this crazy little boy and his dog! 

Where does the time go… 8 years ago, he was a spunky little baby. Now I'm dealing with parent teacher conferences and baseball teams and his three siblings!

Moving To Town

Moving. AGAIN.

No, I'm not kidding.

This makes the tenth time in 8 years. Seriously.

At least this time it's not a three-states-away move. It's just 12 miles down the road. Out of the mountains. Into town…. <insert sad face>

Can you tell I'm super excited about this?! Well I'm not. This blog title is Life On A DIRT Road, for heavens sake.

I actually have mixed feelings, to be honest. There's a million reasons I absolutely do not want to move out of the house we're in, but there are a lot of reasons we should.

For one, this house is for sale and the showings are irritating (come on…YOU keep a big house show-worthy within 24 hours with four kids…AND find somewhere to go for an hour.) We knew it was part of the deal when we moved in but it gets old. And the possibility of it selling combined with the lack of available rentals to fit our big family and our dog is enough to give me anxiety. The house we're moving into isn't for sale, and they want a long term lease, and that works for us because we don't plan on buying another home for a few years.

Actually…that's really the only good reason I can think of to move.

My husbands theory is that it will save us on fuel because I wont have to drive 20 miles round trip almost every day just to get kids to sports and such. What he's not taking into account is the fuel I'm going to burn driving back to the mountains to get OUT of town when the walls start closing in. We'll see how that theory pans out.

It will be nice to be close to everything. We can walk or bike to just about everything in town.  I'm just having a hard time imagining how my free-range kids are going to handle the transition to sidewalks and street crossings. They're used to roaming 20 acres where their momma's biggest fear is bears that the dog will protect them from. Now they'll be confined to a fenced city lot and their momma's fears just exponentially exploded to speeding cars, stranger danger, and lost kids.

I'm sure it wont be as horrible as my imagination leads me to believe. Right?!

I'll be glad when THIS is over though:

I may just put everything in storage except the essentials and LEAVE it there.

And you better believe I'll be counting down the days til we can move back to a dirt road! 

Faith, Hope, and Love a Cowboy

Yesterday I re-posted one of my old blog posts that happens to be my husbands favorite. 

Today I am re-posting one of MY favorites! I wrote this a few years ago, and I love looking back at where we were in our relationship compared to where we are now. I am happy to say that everything I had hoped and prayed for then has come to be now! I think we've found our rainbow and roses through the thunder, and have our family and our marriage on the path we want it to be! 

So here it is….Love a Cowboy…

    Faith Hope and Love are three very important things to have when you are a cowboy’s wife. Garth wasn’t kidding when he said “Whatcha gonna do with a Cowboy?” It’s such a satisfying struggle to love someone that is so passionate with such an unbridled spirit. It kind of feels like you are standing in the middle of a raging storm, praying you wont get hit by lightning and loving every minute of it but wondering how you got there in the first place.

The trick is figuring out how to balance that storm. I lean on faith. Faith that God has a plan and I have this cowboy for a reason. Faith that my prayers for help are heard. Faith that he will use his passion to grow his family. Faith that he loves me like I love him. Faith that I have the strength to ride out his storms and rein him in without breaking his spirit. Faith that the rain and thunder will soon bring rainbows and roses.

I think most cowboys these days were born a hundred years too late. For a while, I thought that about myself. Then I came to realize that I like electricity, running water, bling belts and hairspray too much. I’m definitely a modern day cowgirl! But my husband would be perfectly content to live like Monte Walsh, ugly mustache and all. The frustration he feels at not having the freedom of the cowboys past is all too clear some days. So I hope. Hope that I can give him the freedom to be everything he dreams of. Hope that he sees the results of his hard work. Hope that I can love him as passionately as he loves everything. Hope that he hears God’s words. Hope that our boys inherit his enthusiasm. Hope that what we envision for our family will come to be.

Have you ever watched a cowboy ride a bronc horse? Their spirits match. They are wild and free and are meant to be together and for a few seconds the world is exactly how it‘s supposed to be. When I watch a horse running through a pasture, head up and tail flying, it brings out emotions in me that are only compared to watching my own cowboy do something he loves. Or watching my little cowboys grow. It’s a love that comes from deep down in my soul. Love that I pray matches his.

I’m thankful that God gave me the love part, because otherwise I’m fairly certain that faith and hope would have lost out to violent murder. But since He DID give me the love part, my cowboy is alive and well, testing my faith and hope on a daily basis instead of in a shallow grave somewhere in the back 40. Some day’s, I don’t know how I’m going to keep from losing my sanity, my faith or my hope. But my love is something I never lose. Sometimes it’s quiet and I have to listen really hard for it. Those are the days I have to remember…..

Faith.

Hope.

And Love a cowboy.

A Dirty Little Secret

Today is Throw Back….Tuesday?

Whatever. I didn't feel like waiting til Thursday.

I found my old blog. It, quite literally, took me THREE days to remember what my old blog was called. I'm blaming the mom-brain.

But I found it, and this is my husbands FA.VOR.ITE post of mine ever. Mostly because he likes to laugh at me.

So here it is!

**AND….for the record. I am now fully mostly capable of driving a stick! Just in case anyone was wondering if I ever learn from my mistakes!

Dirty Little Secret
There’s something you may not know about me. Something that shocks people. It’s not something I’m proud of. It’s a shameful secret I try to hide. I try to cover it up. I try to avoid certain situations so I’m not embarrassed by it.

But eventually, all secrets come to light. Skeletons come out of the closet and you have to admit your short-comings.

So I confess….. Please don’t judge me. Love me in spite of my faults.









I don’t know how to drive a standard transmission vehicle.






There. I said it.









Quit laughing.








I’m hopelessly dependent on vehicles that are smart enough to know what gear they are supposed to be in, and WHEN they are supposed to be there, AND do it automatically. People, I can’t even talk and write at the same time, how do you expect me to make my feet deal with an extra pedal and drive in a straight line all at once? And my whole life I’ve had either a dad or a husband to deal with these incompetent vehicles anyways. So even though I understand the basic concept and mechanics of a standard transmission, I’ve yet to have a really good reason to master the skill of actually driving one. Yes, I’m a pampered country girl. What can I say?

That being said, I have to explain how we water our horses. See, most normal people run a hose to a trough and fill it up. Simple. However, we’ve never been accused of being normal, or simple for that matter, and we’re not about to start trying now. A couple of the pastures we run horses on are way too far away from our water to run a hose to. So the trusty Jeep Wrangler has been transformed into a ranch water truck. (Jeep misses its California days when it was a desert lovin’ party Jeep. Poor thing….). Jeep now has a 55 gallon barrel in the back with a valve and a hose on it that we fill up and drive over to the troughs. Jeep does not have a smart transmission. It has to be told what to do.

So yesterday evening, Chuck asked me to water so he could go shoe. He knows my dirty little secret, so he said he would take care of the too-far-away-to-reach-with-a-hose pasture when he got back. Well I don’t like to feel useless, so I told him I would handle it with the condition that he had to leave before I drove the Jeep anywhere. I didn’t want him to have to witness my jerky start and stop driving technique. It’s enough that I have this inadequacy without someone laughing at it. I also didn’t want his “coaching”. I’ve learned that, as a woman, it’s just as hard to be taught something by your husband as it is your dad. But that’s a whole ‘nother post we won’t get into right now!

So I jump in the Jeep and he shows me how to start it. Seriously, I don’t even know how to do that part….Give me a little credit though, starting the Jeep involves a screwdriver and a temperamental push button, not a key because the three year old lost it. I reiterate, we’re not normal.

I, again, tell Chuck to leave before I even put it in gear to attempt to save some of my dignity. He laughingly humors me and drives off after telling me not to run anything over. He has a lot of faith in me, can you tell?

After a few jerky starts, I actually started moving! All the while giggling at myself because I’m Just. Not. That. Coordinated. I saw Trip roll his eyes at me. I think he could probably drive the Jeep better than me. But I made it all the way to the water hose, filled the barrel and get this…...I put it in REVERSE and drove BACKWARDS! I was so proud of me! In fact, I think I like reverse better than forward. It’s so low geared it’s almost impossible to kill it. Almost.

At this point, the children that were napping peacefully were now awake and I still had one more trip to make to fill the trough. After my first sucessful water run, I was so confident in my Jeep driving abilities that I figured I could do it with a nine month old on my lap and a three year old riding shot gun. No problem. I figured wrong…. We started out ok. Wade glared at me once for hurling him into the dash board. He quickly decided it was safer to sit down and hold on. Wes tried to steer us off the road and into a fence because he wouldn’t let go of the steering wheel. But we eventually made it back to the water hose, got ‘er filled, and headed back to the pasture. On the way, I look down and see the floor board filling with water. I yell “WADE! Why is there water in here?!!” because, typically, if something is flooding the three year old had something to do with it. He didn’t say anything. I just got the “Oh crap, I’m in trouble” blank stare. Apparently, before Wade jumped back in the Jeep, he opened the valve on the barrel AFTER I had tucked the hose back in the Jeep. I decide to just hurry and get to the trough, because I just had to back up to it at this point. Backing up sounds easy, but remember that I have a nine month old on my lap still, a kid now trying to jump on the floor in the water, and I’m not as handy at driving this thing as I’d like to think I am. And the ground is really really bumpy by the trough.

The details get a little fuzzy now. Somehow, between driving backwards, holding on to the baby, yelling at the kid to stay out of the water and trying to avoid running over a bike and hitting the fence, I slammed the brakes a tad too hard and the barrel catapulted out of the Jeep. Oops...

I got out and told the horses to mind their own business and quit looking at me like that, and assessed the damage. I thought the valve was done for since that’s the end the barrel landed on, but I was lucky. It was ok. It just leaks a lot more than it used to now. I'm sure that when Chuck is done laughing at me, he can repair it to it's former water-proof state. Wade told me "It's ok, dad can fix it" after apologizing for filling the Jeep with water. That kid sure can sweet talk his momma when he feels the need!

I banned Wade to his sandbox, Wes to the lawn, and considered waiting for Chuck to come home and fix my mess. But my pride said no, so i emptied 55 gallons of water onto the ground and very gracefully lugged the barrel back in the Jeep and cinched it down TIGHT. The next trip was a lot less uneventful.

Then Chuck called to check on me. He asked what i broke. (Like i said, he has a lot of faith in me!) I told him "Nothin'....". What?? I didn't BREAK anything! And the horses have water.

Until tonight.

Then I have to do it all over again.

Maybe I should let Trip do it...

Anxiety

I have anxiety. 

I have been an anxious stress ball ever since I can remember and last summer I was finally, officially diagnosed. It was starting to take over my life, and I wasn't a very fun person to be around so I grudgingly talked to a therapist and a doctor. "Situational depression and anxiety" was the verdict.

Anxiety has presented as procrastination in my life. I ignore the things that make me anxious as long as possible and when I say ignore, I mean spend hours of unproductive time on social media sites. I "hide" on Facebook….Pinterest….CafeMom….and the most expensive one, eBay. 

I ignore projects, hobbies, important paperwork, phone calls, bills, supper time, exercise, chores, friends. God.


My kids.


Ouch.

My iPhone doesn't help matters. Not only can I hide in my computer desk upstairs, I can also hide right there on the couch in the midst of bored kids and a disastrous, messy house. Barricaded in my own little bubble until a little finger pokes it hard enough to burst it and release my other form of anxiety…anger. 

The ironic thing about ALL of this is I am ignoring the therapeutic things in my life. When I muster up enough will power to force myself to go out and play baseball with the kids, or go on a walk, or sit down and color with them I feel better. When Chuck pesters and yells at me enough to go to church, I feel better. When I click the little red circle to "x" out of Safari and organize my desk and filing cabinet I feel better. When I put my phone down and clean my house, I FEEL BETTER!!

It should be a no-brainer. 

But, alas, it is not. Along with begin anxious and begin a master procrastinator I'm also an amazing excuse maker! I can justify and rationalize every procrastinating moment and Lord help the husband that tries to call me out. 

Poor guy…

So this is my formal plan of attack: 

Less medication. Mood stabilizers are a great thing, and the prescription has carried me through the last year. However…I need real, raw emotion again. I can't be dulled anymore.

Less Facebook. I'm not going to delete my account or anything because absolutes never work for me like they do my husband. I never have been a quitter! (Thank God I never started smoking…) And it's really the best way for me to keep in touch with my friends and family scattered all over the country. I might actually delete the app from my phone though, along with the ridiculous game apps.

Less pinning and more doing! With 6,718 pins currently…I think I can safely say I have got enough projects and recipes to last me a lifetime. 

More saying "Yes!" to my kids. You want to make cookies? YES! You want to paint? YES! You want to go to the park? YES! You want to help stir the pancakes? YES! You want to sing the alphabet song 382 times? YES!

More outdoors (WHY is this even an issue?!) I live in God's Country, Heaven on earth, the mecca of the Outdoor Sportsman. More fishing, camping, hunting, hiking, exploring, riding, nature.

More music. iTunes is sorely underused on my computer! 

More creating. Sewing, crocheting, writing, building. 

More Bible. More praying. More church. 

This is also my formal apology to anyone and everyone that has been negatively impacted by my stupid anxiety: 

I'm sorry husband. But I know you forgive me on a daily basis because you love me. I love you for loving me, and putting up with me, and wanting me to be happy. Thank you for this life we've built. 

I'm sorry beautiful children of mine. I know your amazing, pure, little hearts also forgive me on an hourly basis because you love your momma. You are the reason I even have the desire to make these changes! Thank you for being my babies.

I'm sorry friends. You've stuck with me for so long. Some of you for years. Lifetimes even. I know you forgive me because you're still here! Thank you for being the shoulders, the sounding boards for my rants, the voice of reason. Thank you for the loyalty. 

I am sorry God. Your forgiveness is unparalleled. Just thank you.

Mens Shirt Refashion!

I bought my husband a plaid, button up shirt at the thrift store, thinking it would be a good work shirt. 

But it didn't fit. I forget how BIG the guy is sometimes!

Logically, I inherited it. It was a perfect snuggly, warm shirt, but it was big and baggy and not flattering at ALL. Because I am the opposite of big. 

So I got out my scissors and sewing machine! I am, by NO means, a great seamstress so please expect professional results here! 

I started with marking and pinning where I wanted to take the sides in. I put it on inside out and pinned where I thought I wanted it taken in to. I say thought because it ended up way more narrow than I wanted it in the waist area. Lesson learned…. I'm not positive what that lesson is, exactly, yet but I will figure out how to not make the same mistake next time! 

You can barely see the tiny pins on the left side! 

I sewed the sides with a zig zag stitch and cut off the excess fabric.

The sleeves were too long, so I cut the cuffs off right at the seam, then evened them up a bit. I still haven't decided what I want to do with them. Maybe put a black ribbon trim on them. 

And, would you look at that!! I buttoned the cuffs together and it made a perfect, matching headband! Granted, I have a tiny, little, pin head so I can't say this would work for anyone else! 

I kinda just winged the arms. I took them in a few inches with a slight angle from the armpit where I took the side in, to the bottom of the cuff. Sewed them a zig zag stitch and cut the excess off, just like the sides.

Then I shortened the bottom up a few inches by just following the original hem. I even freehanded it, because I'm lazy and didn't want to pin it! The fabric has a slight stretch to it, and I stretched it as I sewed so it has a little bit of a ruffle to it. 

Now I have a soft, warm and GIRLY shaped flannel shirt for next to nothing! 

This Is What Forgiveness Looks Like

This is a picture of a dad and his daughter.

A dad that has had some very strong hate directed at him by people all over the country. 

A daughter that he hadn't seen in four years. 

A dad that lost two daughters but is getting one back. 

A dad and a daughter that are healing. 

What you don't see in the picture is the momma that is healing. 

And the friends and family that are healing. 

Hearts that are softening.

God is great.

Here is the proof:

What Does Forgiveness Look Like?

Buttermilk Biscuits

I hate canned biscuits. There's something bitter about them. 

Unless, of course, they are deep fried and smothered in sugar...but that's a different blog!

But I love fluffy, buttery, biscuits. So I went in search of a recipe. I came across this one and tweaked it a little and I think I've finally got the perfect recipe and technique! 

Here's my tweaked version.

Buttermilk Biscuits

3 C flour 
1 1/2 t. salt
1 T. sugar
2 t. baking powder
1 stick butter
3/4 C buttermilk (or 3/4 c. milk + 2 T. vinegar)
1 egg
1/8 C water 

I read somewhere that the secret to fluffy biscuits is the butter. It needs to be cold and in bigger chunks. I put mine in the freezer, then let it set for a bit so my food processor can handle it. So it's not quite frozen, but colder than fridge temps. 

I rarely plan ahead enough to have buttermilk when I need it, so I make mine. You can do it with lemon or vinegar, but the magic of baking soda and vinegar in baked stuff is awesome, so I use vinegar. I let that sit in a bowl for a minute while I mix up the dry ingredients and butter in the food processor. 

Then I whisk the egg into the "buttermilk" and add the water. 

Dump all the dry ingredients in with the wet. Then stir til it just starts to stick together. 

There's a fine line between "fluffy" and "flat rocks" when it comes to biscuits. It has a lot to do with how much the dough it worked. So once I get it mixed together, it's still really wet. I put a pretty generous amount of flour on the counter and on my hands and knead it a few times til it looks a bit smoother. I DON'T roll it out with a rolling pin. They never come out fluffy when I do. I just kind of smush and pat them out til the dough is about an inch thick. 

Then I dip a cup in flour and cut the dough into biscuits. (I have circle cutters and they would probably work great but I'm way too lazy to dig through the cookie cutter box to find them and cups are just sitting right there in the cupboard!) This is where the flour on the counter comes in. The dough stays pretty sticky and it's almost impossible to get them off the counter if there's not a lot of flour under them. 

Then they go on a greased pan for about 14 minutes at 425º. I pull them out when I see the bottoms start to get brown and the butter is melting out of them. 

My next "tweak" with these is going to be herbs and bits of cheese! 

My Favorite Chili

I can't remember where I even found this recipe. I've had it for years, floating around my kitchen, handwritten on a scrap of yellow paper. I love this recipe, and I think it could hold it's own in a chili cook-off! 

I figured it was time to give it a proper place!

Chili

2 lbs browned ground meat
1 (46 oz) can tomato sauce
1 (29oz) can diced tomatoes
1 1/2 C chopped onion
1/4 C bell pepper
1/4 C chili powder
2 t cumin
1 1/2 t garlic powder
1t salt
1/2 t black pepper
1/2 t oregano
1/8 t cayenne (more if you like it to bite you)
1T brown sugar
2C beans

Dump it all in, heat it all up. Done!



Here are some of my additions and changes, because I can't just leave a recipe alone. You can do whatever you want with your chili, it's your life. I'm not about to tell someone how to make their chili! ;) But here's what I do! 

Obviously, I typically use deer or elk meat. I suppose sausage would be good too. Or no meat and go vegetarian with it (blasphemy…..).

I use WAY more bell pepper than 1/4 C, but I like bell peppers a lot. 

Sometimes i throw in a couple handfuls of shredded zucchini or carrots to give it a bit more balanced nutrition.

I don't usually use canned beans because dry beans are cheaper, and I'm a cheap wad. I soak them overnight and use the whole bag (usually red kidney beans). I don't know if it's close to 2 C or not, but it works out well. 

I usually do it in the crock pot too. Prepare it all in the morning and let it simmer all day. 

THEN I serve it with cornbread, sour cream, and shredded cheese! YUM!